Never Split the Difference: Difference between revisions
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*we call this tactic calibrated questions: queries that the otherside can respond to but that have no fixed answers. It buys you time. It gives your counterpart the illusion of control—they are the one with the answers and power after all—and it does all that without giving them any idea of how constrained they are by it. | *we call this tactic calibrated questions: queries that the otherside can respond to but that have no fixed answers. It buys you time. It gives your counterpart the illusion of control—they are the one with the answers and power after all—and it does all that without giving them any idea of how constrained they are by it. | ||
*It turned out that our approach to negotiation held the keys to unlock profitable human interactions in every domain and every interaction and every relationship in life. | *It turned out that our approach to negotiation held the keys to unlock profitable human interactions in every domain and every interaction and every relationship in life. | ||
*“I’m just asking questions,” I said. “It’s a passive-aggressive approach. I just ask the same three or four open- | *“I’m just asking questions,” I said. “It’s a passive-aggressive approach. I just ask the same three or four open-ended questions over and over and over and over. They get worn out answering and give me everything I want.” | ||
ended questions over and over and over and over. They get worn out answering and give me everything I want.” | |||
Revision as of 18:50, 13 May 2021
Tactical empathy - repeating without judgment to gain trust.
Empathy - understading counterpart, without necessarily agreeing. Harvard and FBI agree on this definition.
Decisions are made emotionally. Emotions are always involved.
You want repeat customers. A win-lose situation is not a repeat customer.
Tactics
- I’m sorry, Robert, how do I know he’s even alive? - apology and first name to seed warmth and prevent bulldozing.
- Employs FBI’s most potent negotiating tools: the open-ended question.
- we call this tactic calibrated questions: queries that the otherside can respond to but that have no fixed answers. It buys you time. It gives your counterpart the illusion of control—they are the one with the answers and power after all—and it does all that without giving them any idea of how constrained they are by it.
- It turned out that our approach to negotiation held the keys to unlock profitable human interactions in every domain and every interaction and every relationship in life.
- “I’m just asking questions,” I said. “It’s a passive-aggressive approach. I just ask the same three or four open-ended questions over and over and over and over. They get worn out answering and give me everything I want.”