1/29/08 Observed the hesitation of proceeding with steam engine construction set due to my perpetual worries about lack of financial compensation. Cycle analysis of hesitation: This hesitation is invalid to my purpose on earth since my knowledge of earths physical support systems tells me very loud and clear that to further the human endeavor we must rapidly develop simple replicable biomass and solar energy systems, the steam engine being a most prominent candidate.
Observed also worry that I may not be good enough to pull this project off that may be undertaking too much with GVCS. Cycle Analysis: This hesitation too is most invalid since all beings posses tools to become knowledgable, thirst and desire are all that is needed.
Proceed onwards to become master in steam power, start by not eating until hungry for this knowledge.
Upon meditation towards my thirst the hesitation of who am I to be pursuing such a lofty thing persists. This is again invalid as everyone is one who is to be able to pursue such a lofty goal as fullfiment of ones desire for knowledge.
1/30/09 Observed; general feeling of depression and disappointment regarding work on GVCS. Inquiry on this feeling suggests the origin is further doubt about wether the GVCS will work as currently implemented. Logical analysis suggests that GVCS is a produceable goal and will also function economically. The source of doubt and depression seems to be the fact that much of GVCS is presumably going to fall on the shoulders of a few who see the vision and can produce the vision. Further sources of doubt center around some general facts about human existence. Until humans can both reason and make moral judgments on their own they will continue to make choices that may lead to outcomes that no human desires. Therefore humans could potentially be dyeing of thirst when spring of solutions is already there, I think this is actually the case. I do not desire to be a martyr for those people or that solution, sometimes I do not desire for much at all with this world. I feel inclined to go into solitary retreat and study, a simple low paying job, a library, and time to meditate reflect and pray seem amply fulfilling. I don’t feel like suffering much at all for anyone especially when people seem so intent on going the way they have always gone even when all evidence advises against it.
My analysis of this complicated emotional hesitation suggests that we still are not addressing the root of the problems in developing the GVCS. GVCS is attainable but if people don’t want it, it will not work so how do we make people want it? It also suggests that I perceived GVCS as a cure all to the world’s problems. This isn’t the case, in successful implementation it will create profoundly empowering economic freedom worldwide and help reintegrate us ecologically, and socially. However people are still be going to be people and our ignorant dramas will continue for a while into the future. The question I need to study and reflect on is whether I want to remain aloof from these problems and live my little short life telling myself very little is possible or whether I want to use my life to find out exactly what is possible?
1/31/09 Further doubts persist about not taking in any income at present moment. Marcin advocates crowd source donations as a form of research dollars, I think this is ok to a degree but at the same time fear that it removes us quite far from the day to day routines of consistent work. I actually believ that a small amount fo consistent repetitive work, especially work that compensates is quite a healthy way maintain proper checks and balances. For example today we all spent an unrealistic amount of time playing around with theoretical ideas about how to construct a babbington burner such excess theory is the product of a mind left free to its own whimsical notions. I for one know that my most creative moments happen when working a consistent not overally challenging job perhaps 30 hrs a week and plenty of extra time to think about my work. Is there a product we could make the fits OSE specs right now that would produce this income and anchor?
2/12/08 After dealing with some family issues, and reflecting on my finances further I have decided that I need to pursue an immediate job. My involvemnet with OSE will therefore be online and perhaps an occasional work weekend.